Everyone loves a sophisticated joke, right? Well, these aren’t those, but they’re sure to get a laugh out someone (even if it’s just you)!

The right angle temperature

Son: Dad I’m cold.
Dad: Go stand in the corner.
Son: Why?
Dad: The corner is 90 degrees.

This joke is evolutionary

I told my son I was named after Charles Darwin.
He said, “But dad, your name is John.”
I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Charles Darwin.”

I see what you did there …

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?
He couldn’t control his pupils.

Be there orbit square

How does NASA organize their parties?
They planet out.

The reviews are out of this world

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.

There’s your sine

Dear algebra,
Please stop asking us to find your x.
She’s never coming back, and please stop asking y.

I can braille speak it myself

What’s the least spoken language in the world?
Sign language

Quarky little fellas

If atoms make up everything, why do we trust them?

I’d be getting atom of drinks then …

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink.
The bartender says, “For you? No charge.”

Less than a one-hit-wonder

The next song is about subtraction …
“Take it away, boys!”

HeliumHelium

Want to hear a joke about potassium?
K.

Sea that? That’s funny

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.

This jokes got nothing going for it

To the guy that invented zero …
Thanks for nothing!

Class is so easy, I can do it with my eyes closed

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
Kid: No, what happened?
Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Big Mitts

If you have 17 apples in one hand and 14 apples in the other hand, what do you have?
Really big hands.

It led to an active voice situation

The future, present, and past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

This one’s got some real dimension

The only thing flat-Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

That’s another word for it

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
A synonym roll.

This is where I draw the line …

Never trust someone with graph paper … They’re always plotting something.

Arrrgh you sure?

Why can’t the pirate say the alphabet?
He always gets lost at sea.

Justice was served, period.

Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail?
She got the full sentence.

I’m without words

My mom bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday. I couldn’t find the words to thank her.

Tank you very much

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh

Admiral Ackbar approved

Don’t spell part backward, it’s a trap!

This one’s got my head spinning

I love the way the Earth rotates. It really makes my day.

Aim for the moon!

My dad always used to say “the sky’s the limit!”
Which is probably why he got fired from NASA.

Do you have another joke you’d like to share with us? Email it to us at newenglanddads@gmail.com.

Back to Dad Jokes